Friday

~ barn time

This is just stinkin' cute.
(sorry 'bout the quality, I'm still messin' with the camera on my new iPhone. YES! I got an iPhone!!!!)
Kizi always wants to pick feet out, such a good girl.
Jonathan had the day off, so after the kids got out of school I dragged him out to the barn with us. He got in a good bike ride on the gorgeous country road where my boarding barn is, then decided to help us brush horses. I think he makes a pretty good groom, don't you?
Kizi's friend Elle was SO excited to come to the barn with us for the first time! I love these photos... Kaiyah is such a calmer, happier horse than she was when I got her a year ago.

Wednesday

~ tough times

So yeah... I've been pretty quiet on here. I've been busy (fun stuff but not hectic), which is good, and I'm not depressed, which is also good. But thing have been tough, marriage-wise. Not like that's news to anyone who actually knows me. Things got really rough there at the first of the year and right about that time I had a serious paradigm shift and also started seeing a shrink who came highly recommended by a physician/bishop friend of ours. It's helped me to see a lot of things. Part of why I went to see him was because we were starting to wonder if I had some mild bipolar going on. Turns out I'm nowhere near being bipolar, I just have a raging case of low self-esteem. And every single one of those ups and downs was a reflection of what was going on with me and Jonathan.

Digging is hard.

I'm so hard-wired to be a pleaser, to be the "good little wife." Once I actually allowed myself to feel some things I'd been repressing... wow. I was SO ANGRY. I was literally furious for a solid month. I just let it run its course without doing anything drastic, and I feel better now. But I know there's still a lot more down there. The shrink extracts things from me that make me cry-- every time-- but daily life is pretty okay. The good thing is that I'm learning to establish some boundaries. Jonathan didn't like or understand that at first. I've never been able to say no to him, really. But I'm finally doing it, in a healthy way-- not pissy or vindictive or anything, just trying to stand my ground and be calm and peaceful. There's no turmoil, no brawls or anything. Just no soft place to land. But it's been like that for a long, long time. It's hard when a shrink says he's never seen a couple who is such complete opposites before. That's okay in a lot of ways... opposites attract, and we have filled in the gaps for each other in some ways. I think things are getting better. But there's a pretty deep emotional divide that he just wasn't sent to this earth with the tools to overcome. But he sure gets points for trying. And that's the thing... neither one of us is running away. We really like each other and we love our kids. He loves me. I'm trying so hard to love him. But as my best friend said recently... maybe I've been praying for the wrong things all these years. Maybe I just need to pray to have joy in my life. That really was powerful for me. Maybe I need to just let go of some things... some hopes. That's tough, because I don't know if I'm giving up on something everyone deserves, or if I'm just being practical and dealing with the cards I've been dealt and the (not well-researched) choice I made 16 years ago. Nothing's ever going to be perfect, and maybe I just need to rely on God and myself a little more. And enjoy the journey. I'm here to learn and hopefully grow in some good ways...  so I'll do the best I can to stay on this horse and enjoy the ride.

Tuesday

~ Intro to Groundwork clinic

On April 19th I hosted an "Intro to Groundwork" clinic at the barn where I board. Jen, the barn owner, put out a beautiful and super yummy dinner for us, and then we got to work. This was meant to provide those who were unfamiliar with this style of horsemanship an intro to getting control of your horse's feet, gaining respect and learning to communicate fairly. Everything we do on the ground carries over to when we're in the saddle.  
Ricky started out by demonstrating on my little mare Kaiyah.
Ish and Steel, Maya and Mango, JJ and her pony, Stephanie and their yearling POA pony.
After I had been doing it for a while and learning some great new stuff on Kaiyah (thanks to Sarah while Ricky was helping the newbies), to help keep her from counter-bending, Kizi asked if she could do it too... I figured Ricky would let me know pretty quickly if it wasn't okay, and Sara offered to help her, so I said sure.
Sarah (above) is Ricky's fiancee. She is a former fox-hunter from Baltimore, and we all credit her with helping the new, "kinder and gentler" Ricky emerge! :)
I'm so proud of them both! A year ago Kaiyah was running around like her tail was on fire. It's been a tough road, but I've learned a lot thanks to Ricky, Denise and Nicki. It was so satisfying to watch these two. Like Ray used to say... "Enjoy the prosperity," and I am!! 

So sweet!

Friday

~ Easter chicks and bunnies

We had a pretty non-traditional Easter this year.

Before we headed to Philomath to play with our friends there, we first went to "Chick Days" at the Old Mill Feed store. We had pre-ordered 6 Buff Orpingtons and had just planned to be there at 8:30am when the doors open... until Christie mentioned that last year there was a line already an hour before opening time. Jonathan, despite my protests that he really didn't need to do it, went an hour early and stood in line. I think he enjoys slaying the occasional dragon for me... :) The line wound around in the warehouse of this super-cool, 100-year old mill that is now the feed store. The kids and I were very glad to not have to wait in the cold (but covered) warehouse, and it was great to show up at 8:30 and only have about a dozen people in front of us. We were ushered into the chick area about 6 people at a time or so, and about swooned when we saw this:
We quickly selected our 6 chicks and were off. I had already bought everything for them and the heat lamp was at home warming up their brooder, so we whisked them home in a towel-lined boot box. We already had our day of fun in Philomath planned, so we let the chicks rest at home (brilliant planning on my part, of course) and headed down to Philomath.
On the way home we stopped at the barn to pick up the two bunnies that my friend Jen had given us. This was NOT the wisest way to transport said bunnies, but it worked out just fine. And aren't they cute? 
(Do you see the ears in Calvin's lap?)

The next day was Easter Sunday.

There was no candy to be found in the house. No colored eggs, no baskets of fluff. Just lots of cute, fluffy chicks perpetually making the sweetest of peeps. A million times better than synthetic Peeps! The kids felt they had the best Easter of anyone they knew... 
(we talked a little about counting our blessings...)
And since our church's worldwide General Conference broadcast happens the first weekend of April and October, it fell on Easter this year. It was SO nice to be able to stay home and watch Conference from the comfort of our couches while snuggling chickies. They were extremely reverent. ;)
It was a wonderful day to reflect on the life of Jesus Christ, his Atonement and resurrection. 

Jonathan has sort of surprised me with how attached he is to his chick, Magpie (or Maggie for short). He's not a farm boy (yet) but that's not his fault-- he was raised in the city by non-animal-lovers. (My mother-in-law literally shudders when you say the word "horse" or "cat.") So it was sweet to watch him with his chick. Poor guy, he just about swooned at the Old Mill... I looked up from picking the last of our chicks to see him being pulled by a tractor-beam to another brooder. He spent two years in Sweden on his mission, and so of course... the thing that drew him in so completely was baby Swedish ducks! I'd never even heard of them, but it looks as though at some point when we have land (please God, let it be soon!) we will have to get him a pair of Swedish ducks. I wish you could have seen the look on his face...

So here are about a million photos of our little cutie-pies. My chick, Ladybug, is the one below with the brown spot on her head. As soon as I can find colored, plastic poultry leg bands we'll band 'em, but in the meantime, magic markers have worked quite well. Kizi's chick is Daisy (purple dot on her head), Caleb's is Goldie (green dot), Calvin's is Pearl (black dot), and Grandma's is Ginger (no dot, bigger than Maggie, and Maggie has a scrawny neck which is how Jonathan tells her apart from the others). They are all very affectionate and snuggly, with Ladybug always being the first one to jump up on your lap, and Ginger the first one ready for a nap on your lap.
The bedding pellets are a new product to me... they came highly recommended by the staff at Old Mill. They are made from recycled newspapers, are absorbent, and the chicks don't try to eat them. And they really kept the smell to an almost-non-existent level. I tried one day of paper towels and changed right back to the pellets.
I'm a big fan of "chick aprons"... which minimizes the amount of poopy laundry I have to do! Don't worry, these are OLD aprons, not my good cooking aprons!
The first couple of days with them reminded me of what it was like when you have a newborn baby in the house... they sleep so soundly that you have to stop and watch to make sure they're breathing...
Calvin with Pearl, above.
Look at those cute fluffy butts!
(and we're getting the carpets shampooed soon, so I didn't sweat the small (poopy) stuff...
They quickly outgrew their first brooder, so we moved them to the big one. Poor Gracie and Bailey were literally shivering with how MUCH they wanted to EAT a chick! The dogs usually stay in the sunroom, but once the chicks were in the big brooder I would let Gracie come lay down next to it-- and me-- to help try to get her a little more used to them. She herds the chickens at the barn and has never hurt one, but Bailey is a known chicken killer... and let's face it, those little chick mcnuggets probably look awfully tempting to those poor dogs...
I was very pleased with myself for using the Bogs boot box. Once I cut a doorway in it, the chicks really took to it. I think they liked being warm AND in a dark place. It looks bright in this photo because of the flash, but it was nice and dark and cozy for them. I had some nice, soft Timothy hay on hand for the bunnies, which was an ideal nest for the chickies.

beautiful...

The world has enough women who are tough;
we need women who are tender.
There are enough women who are coarse;
we need women who are kind.
There are enough women who are rude;
we need women who are refined.
We have enough women of fame and fortune;
we need more women of faith.
We have enough of greed;
we need more goodness.
We have enough of vanity;
we need more virtue.
We have enough popularity;
we need more purity.

~ Margaret Nadauld
(Past Young Women's General President,
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)